Larry Bird is one of the greatest basketball players of all time.
He is known for his competitive drive, trophy case full of individual and team awards, and his acerbic wit in the art of trash talking.
Google “Larry Bird trash talk” and enjoy the endless stream of anecdotes that pop up.
Here I’ve gathered some of the lesser known anecdotes that prove Bird truly was in a league of his own when it comes to degrading the opposition.
Larry Bird once told the Philadelphia 76ers that they couldn’t guard him and then unfolded a table on the court and tauntingly started eating a Philly cheesesteak while proceeding to score 57 points.
Larry Bird was once so bored with his opponents that he started playing an intense game of chess against a supercomputer on the scorers table.
Larry Bird once saw Martha Stewart in the front row of a game, and started putting on a holiday themed cooking show in the middle of a basketball game to shut her up.
A rookie once asked Larry Bird how he hit a crazy fadeaway bank shot. Bird then offered an impromptu seminar on quantum physics during timeouts, complete with a chalkboard filled with complex equations.
Larry Bird once hit a bank shot so beautiful that he set up an easel on the Boston Garden parquet and began painting an oil painting of the shot he just made, while continuing to lockdown his opponent on D.
Larry Bird once spotted a balloon artist delighting children in the stands, and immediately demonstrated advanced origami techniques using discarded popcorn bags on the sidelines.
Bernard King once told Larry Bird his trash talk was too basic. Larry Bird responded by launching into a dramatic Shakespearean monologue whenever a foul was called for the remainder of the game.
Larry once wanted to humiliate an opponent who had overactive sweat glands, so he did a synchronized swimming routine in a puddle of the player’s sweat.
An opponent once called Larry Bird a “hick” in a derogatory fashion. Bird wasted no time in presenting a TED Talk on the metaphysical and cosmic implications of free throws, complete with a PowerPoint presentation and dramatic pauses, in the middle of a game.
One time on the road in Atlanta, Larry Bird came out of the locker room early at halftime. He saw the glam metal band Scorpion delighting the crowd. Bird stole the lead guitarist’s axe and improvised a rousing and inspirational rock anthem punctuated by epic flowing hair and guitar solos.
A reporter once called Larry Bird “the greatest player on earth.” Bird took offense. Seconds later Bird disappeared and a gelatinous orange form was conjured from a Gatorade bottle—presenting the reporter with an inter-dimensional version of Bird.
Andrew “Oyl” Miller is an advertising Creative Director and Copywriter. He spent 15 years working at Wieden+Kennedy on brands like Nike, PlayStation and IKEA. You can check out his work on his website.
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